December 3, 2013

40. Armageddon (1998)

directed by Michael Bay
story by Robert Roy Poole and Jonathan Hensleigh, adapted by Tony Gilroy and Shane Salerno
screenplay by Jonathan Hensleigh and J.J. Abrams


Criterion #40.

Armageddon is a movie about where an asteroid that is going to hit the planet Earth and so NASA scientists and experts decide they make a plan which is to send heros to space and he blows up the asteroid. It stars Bruce Willis is the hero and Ben Affleck the good guy, his friends are Steve Buscemi and Liv Tyler. There is also a fat guy and a black guy! I would recommend it for Americans and for people who just like to see a good time, get the popcorn ready, its gonna be a big one! :)

Seriously I think its good when a movie doesnt take itself too seriously otherwise it can be boring, its not a lecture. Lighten up people lifes too short.

Its stupid how much bonus stuff they put on here, 2 discs!? I mean who cares. Michael Bay who directed it seems really proud, gimme a break. Hey Mike if you dont care about what eggheads think why did you want to be a criterion collection, GOTCHA! Even I could of made this movie if you gave me a billion dollars THATS WHY ITS AWSOME so get over yourself Michael Bay.

In one part the government is like “so will you do it” and Bruce Willis is like “yes, oh just one more thing we dont want to pay taxes ever again” hellz yeah

btw if your like me and you like saying hellz yeah more than just once, dont worry, there are definitly a bunch of other good places you can say it too. Actually they made the movie work so that you can be saying it the whole time if you need to. hellz yeah

I know its weird when Ben Affleck puts cookies in Liv Tylers pants and says thats why the world is worth saving, you have to just roll with it. Its not suppose to make sense, thats why its real its like when people are in love. At the end Ben Affleck says I love you to Bruce Willis no homo but seriously it is sad. Is it dusty in here lol

A lot of parts of this movie seem like whatever theyre saying they were making it up doing whatever they want, on the commentary Ben Affleck says they were. I like it I think that shows that they are real guys and not all stuck up about script lines like Sir Kenneth Brainagh or something. Yeah its dumb, its the kind of movie youd like to have a beer with. Even if it does kinda go on on and on. Your gonna need a bigger popcorn! B)

Inside of the criterion box says “this dvd would not have been possible without the generous support of Michael Bay” NO SHIT, lol again

Some people reading this review are probly like “yo this is the low road, I dont get why you wouldnt take this opportunity to say something trenchint about Armageddon it could be fun, cultural critique bla bla” suck it haterz, Im not here to turn everything into a new york times documentary for you. Michael Bay basicaly says it all on the commentary let me type the actual words he said…

“You know, this movie was criticized by the critics quite a bit, and the thing that’s amazing — most critics are 45 years old, on the average, and… I remember, I was watching an esteemed LA Times critic sitting in a theater full of 800 people and he didn’t know that I was there, and I was watching him. And he literally looked like he had a scowl on his face. And I’m telling you the audience… 12 times cheered. And I don’t think he liked that. I think the audience nowadays is not listening to what critics are saying. Especially for these type of movies. These are entertaining movies. This is a movie where you’re supposed to just lose yourself and be entertained. And we’re not doing anything more than that. And there’s nothing wrong with movies that just go for entertaining an audience. And the thing is, I knew this movie would have an audience, I knew this audience would be a huge audience too, and it really caught middle America – big time.”

hellz yeah need I say more I didnt think so.

ps oh shit I forgot the music! hehe. this is the music during the credits that comes between aerosmith and some chick singing leaving on a jet plane. it goes from basicly the credit for first assistant sound editor to the credit for lead scenic painter. its by Trevor Rabin from Yes so you know its gonna rock, prepare to have your ears blown away! first theres the Titanic irish flute to remember how great America used to be in the 90s (and before) and I guess also Liv Tylers upper lip, then comes the hero march that kicks ass, put it on next time your saving the world B) It also sounds like football. I like it for when Im working out or cleaning to feel like Im Bruce Willis. It rocks pretty hard, trust me, youll hear it! Then at the end there is some asteroid music like for a news report or something, look out! Then that chick starts singing so I faded out, you better get the CD if you want to hear the rest, worth every penny trust me B)

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